What do you change about you when you feel YOU as been their best?

I have endured physical abuse and verbal...................my husband has left me and not come home on numerous ocions. Today it's the day before Easter and he is sleep. I asked him to take me to church tonight to see a play and he said he was too tired, that we would go tomorrow. That's selfish. He is the one that chose the gr on the other side of the fence and decided to stay out all night long while I was at home crying my heart out and holding my kids because they were scared. I feel like I've done my best and my best isn't good enough. Why can't someone just love me for me? Is there something wrong with me or what? I wish I knew an easy way to just forget about someone but I dont'. Heartache is the worst! HELP, anyone..........I have zero friends because he took them all away from me